While working out at my local gym this week, I was suddenly hit by the realisation that I have been regularly pumping iron for the past 33 years and averaging 11,000 steps a day for the past 17. That’s around 8580 gym visits and 69,000,000 steps and counting. Not bad for an old guy.
Having started in university, I was encouraged by friends and roommates, and began a regime to change my body from a scrawny 19 year old, to that of a sculpted God.
I never did reach that immortal status, but I have learned a lot from attending gym culture on average of 5 times a week, by becoming a personal trainer, and learning martial arts and other disciplines has been the best investment of my life.
I have gone through gym and body phases where I was so jack-pumped on creatine and additives that I could barely wipe my ass, to having to continually find the motivation to get off the couch and suit up when parts of my life were in shambles.
That’s the thing about the gym, you have to keep going to get that rush, to feel that burn, to know that every time you go, it makes you a better you.
My workouts have changed as I have aged, from wanting to be big and ripped, to now just focusing on core energy strength, back, knees, and everything that you lose when the lifecycle rot takes hold.
Being body aware is part of growing up, and you need to listen to your gut, spine, and liver if you want to successfully navigate your 50s’.
As a regular gym veteran for over 30 years I have seen a lot of comings and goings in the fitness world, and I gotta tell you, it’s getting gym-nasty out there.
Some people just don’t seem to grasp the etiquette required when attending the gym, so I thought I would offer a few handy tips to those who might be regular gym attendees, or those thinking about getting into a fitness lifestyle.
It’s About You, But It Isn’t
Good for you if you made the correct decision to join a gym, and embark on a path of bettering your fitness path.
You need to figure out your body goals, what diet you need to make it functional, as well as the routines that you need to accomplish on a daily workout to make that happen.
Go you!
But remember, you signed up for a private gym with rules, boundaries, and other people who are also looking to better themselves.
So doing things like hogging the equipment, leaving your bag on the gym floor, or resting too long on a set while flipping through your phone is not cool.
You’re there for an hour, have a plan, get it done, and respect other people.
What the Equipment?
When I first joined a gym in the 90s, there were very defined rules and codes in the gym.
The big weights and benches were for the ‘roid boys, those artificially enhanced behemoths whose sculpted physique was damaged by the penile effects of steroid use.
The back section was theirs, and unless you were willing to throw down the plates, you had to wait until they had to break for urine sampling.
While things have changed since the steroid monkey days, once of the constants of the gym is the importance of the flat bench, or a flat bench that inclines.
Yes, they might seem like great places to sit, or catch up on your feed, but they are one of the most important pieces for regular gym goer.
I can do a 45 minute work out on one of those if need be, so when someone has the audacity to plonk their jacket, or just chill between sets on one, I tend to get vocal.
It all goes back to the first point, each piece of gym equipment should have a time allocation to it. If you’re not being mindful of your time, then you’re probably not focused on your work out.
Put it Away
Are you finished using those 20’s? Put ‘em back.
Did you just add 4 x 45s to a squat rack and then just walk away, so a 145cm woman has to lift them off herself? You’re an idiot.
After finishing a punishing set of weights, did you just leave a flat bench wetter than Bangkok in January? Wipe it Off.
When you’re at the gym, you’re trying to be a better version of you, so why not extend that to your respect to others who are trying to do the same thing?
Toddlers at a daycare are expected to do the same, so why can’t you?
Don’t Be Gross
We’re all disgusting in our own way, but that doesn’t give us the right to spread that nausea.
People sweat in their own way, and that’s okay, just keep the odor at bay.
But things like clipping your toe nails, wearing outfits not suitable for movement, or just ogling other people is just downright gross.
Also who poops in a shower? Seriously?
My mom used to clean up before the cleaning lady came, which I always thought odd, but it applies to the gym.
Put a bit of effort in, but not too much.
Too Much
In the age of social stars, there are those who go above and beyond to fornicate fame by using the gym as a instrument of validation.
Vanity gym goers are nothing new, we had them in the 2000s’, they just had camera crews and said ‘sup? more.
Today the Insta gym crowd are only there for the ‘shots’, and don ridiculous outfits to cement their idiotic persona.
There is no need for these people at the gym, nor should any reputable gym allow them to perform there. Isn’t that what OnlyFans is for?
Technology
Slapping down my old guy status here, I actually remember the kerfuffle when Disc players were allowed at the gym.
That’s right, the cassette player crowd got uppity when CDs became popular in the 90s.
To be fair though, I saw so many Disc players that got crunched or stepped on in those days, a flaw in their fragile design, and people thinking that because it said ‘Sport’ on it, you could drop it from waist high.
No on has yet to coin the era from the disc player to the advent of the iPod, but I will call it the ‘Gym Silence Years’, as there was really no tech in the gyms for over a decade.
All you had was the throbbing tones of 90s’ music, which of course was the best decade for music ever.
Have you been to the gym lately? Geez Louise with Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick! The kids today.
Everyone is on their phone, and I am not being hyperbolic here, I have yet to spot a phone-less person at my gym in the past 5 years.
To that, people today average at least 20% of their gym time just staring at their phones.
Where did I get that stat? I compiled it myself by using my phone to document their phone activity, and damn it, I was using my phone too!
Try not to bring your phone to the gym next time, and see what happens.
You might actually have a great work out.
Personally, I always have my headphones in, but nothing on. It assures me that no one will talk to me, but I can still hear everything that’s going on.
The other big problem at the gym these days is people who film their workouts.
At my gym I have seen ‘influencers’ with a camera person, and/ or just filming it themselves for they fans.
Not only did I not agree to be filmed when I signed my contract, it also violates UK voyeurism laws, particularly since some members of the gym are under 18, making it a child porno if this person is seen to be in a state of undress.
When I informed my gym I wasn’t cool with several people filming and explained these laws, it was quickly shut down.
Many US state law vary, which still makes this a prickly privacy issue.
At the end of the day, think how much you are actually gaining by filming? I’ve got hours of silly concerts I filmed and have yet to edit, so I doubt your stream-cast is going to see any light but that of the dimmed who follow.
To sum it all up, be respectful.
It might seem like some old man rant, but I am a passionate survivor of gym life, and I want people to see the gym, and be the gym.
We’ve all got our own bag of rocks to carry, so don’t be dropping pebbles to impede another’s path.
On September 11, 2001, I remember having an early Toronto workout before we started a writing session on our TV show GutterBall Alley.
I was on a step machine trying to work out a bum knee when I saw a quick jet flash on the CNN broadcast, and saw the first tower hit live.
I turned to everyone around me, and suddenly the whole gym shook with the events that we were witnessing in traumatic synergy.
One by one we all abandoned our workouts as the gym switched all channels to America’s open wound, united by a catharsis that the 2000s had officially begun.
The second plane hit, the Towers fell, and it felt like every ounce of strength was liquidated from that gym.
As we collectively calculated a new global fate, the audio was switched to 90s dance, and a booming voice from a veteran trainer came over the loudspeaker, ‘Now you have your motivation’.
And just like that, people went back to working out.
Be a better you, get fit.